Funny Status Messages

♦ "Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't."
♦ "When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?."
♦ "You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want."
♦ "I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak."
♦ "...... feels like getting some work done...and so he is sitting down until the feeling passes."
♦ "......... used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."
♦ "....... says my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
♦ "......... before you use the bathroom in someone's house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!"
♦ ".......... understands that hard work pays off in future but Laziness pays off now !"
♦ "............ Is Wondering.... If Money Doesn't Grow On Trees,, Then Why Do Banks Have Branches ?
♦ "............. wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...But suicide's a crime. "
♦ "......... I'm not high maintenance. I am just a precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep."
♦ "Anything that is unrelated to elephants is irrelephant."
♦ "I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
♦ "... says One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions."

♦ ".... intends to go to Heaven for the climate and to Hell for the company."
♦ "....... is shout of the hour."
♦ "....... is currently out of her mind but please feel free to leave a message."

Funny Status Messages About Women

♦ "Women: Can't live with them, can't kill them."
♦ "Me and my wife are inseparable. Sometimes, it takes three or four people to pull us apart."
♦ "I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she's been giving me lately!"
♦ "I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty-second lover."
♦ "...... always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila."
♦ "Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married."
♦ "Take your troubles like a man. Blame them on your wife."
♦ "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet."
♦ "eat eat and eat....but don't eat my brain."
♦ "...... just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last."
♦ "Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning."
♦ "All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that's their own fault."

Funny Status Messages About Men

♦ "...makes the lie, invents want."
♦ "...shall be both dog and pony."
♦ "...is a red-blooded American male!"
♦ "...thinks God's gift to bachelors is that the juiciest gazelle is the easiest to catch."
♦ "........ is tradin' in his Chevy for a Cadillacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacacac."
♦ "..... slept like a baby last night.... Waking up every 3 hours crying for food."
♦ "Be a man who takes the lead as opposed to one who follows. The minute you walk into a room assume
the leaders status and you will find girls flocking towards you. Instead of suggesting what you think you should be doing just say what you all should do."

♦ "If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
♦ " Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."
♦ " There's this weird thing at my work where people are putting names on food in the fridge. I just ate a
tuna sandwich named Kevin. "
♦ "Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is
going to talk back or laugh at them."